To be who you are, relax
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“Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you actually are.”
This Chinese proverb has always stayed with me. Modern society is so tense because, where-ever we look, there’s always something, reminding us we could be doing more, that we can be more.
I used be a huge self-development fanatic. I’ve read too many self-development books, from The Power of Habit, to The 5am Club. And yes, I did build self-discipline along the way. But at the same time, a lost a bit of myself.
For many years, tension was my default state. There was a persistent feeling that I wasn’t quite there yet, that there’s something more I should be doing, achieving, chasing.
Until one day, one of my yoga teachers asked, “Do you ever feel at peace?” I paused. I didn’t answer, but my heart whispered, “No, not really.”
It was then, that I released that I was carrying around a constant tension — even during yoga, even while having a solid wellness routine in place.
Getting rid of the ‘shoulds’
Mostly, tension comes from us thinking that we ‘should’ be doing something else, other than what we’re currently doing. We feel embarrassed, lazy, guilty. But have we ever questioned, where do these shoulds even come from?
Take a moment to reflect your week. Which of activities feel like ‘shoulds’, and which of these genuinely light you up?
Living a life true to ourselves requires us to continuously question, and shed the ‘shoulds’ that society or sometimes we have placed on ourselves.
When we remove the shoulds in our live, we create space for authenticity.
Noticing what gives you peace
I've always known when I feel the most at ease:
Deep conversations
Portrait photography
Indulging in a good book
Baking with friends
Swimming in the ocean.
These activities pull me right back into the present.
It is not natural to constantly feel tense and anxious. When we do, it’s usually the body body giving us a signal that something is not right.
It is then our job to ask ‘why’?
This also applies to decision-making. A a soul-aligned decision often brings peace, even if it feels scary. A misaligned decision on the other hand, creates tension — I feel like repeatedly need to justify why I am doing it, and convincing myself again and again that it is the right decision.
Having fun is the most spiritual thing we can do
“Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is have fun.” - Gabby Bernstein
When we are relaxed, we are more open. We are more generous, trusting and compassionate.
The best part is, because tension is created in the mind, we always have the option to choose differently, to relax, soften and return to ourselves.
Relaxation isn’t the opposite of growth, it’s a sign that authentic selves feel safe enough to come up for air.
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INSPIRATION
The people who love us the most will not co-sign we are incapable. They will say to us “do you see yourself?” And then, we actually become larger than we thought we were.
— Cathy Heller (Teacher, Podcaster, Author)
The shoulds are a problem. The ifs as well.
Beautifully put! Thank you. Real success “could” be to simply ….
be.